War Games Gone Wrong
by PirateRaider
Summary: A series of shorts that parody how the war games between Hestia and Apollo could have gone.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This would work way better as a series of animated shorts on YouTube, but that isn't an option for me. Oh well.**

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War Games gone wrong.

Prologue.

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It was a few days after the battle with the Black Goliath on the 18th floor, and Bell Cranel had become the talk of the town. He was just a rookie, but his feats were astounding, and they just continued to pile up. So much so that some gods and goddesses wanted him in their familia, regretted turning him away, and were willing to go out of their way to get him. But none more so than Apollo, who had plans to betray his fellow goddess Hestia, destroy her familia, and claim Bell for himself.

During their latest adventure, Welf Crozzo had levelled up, and now the team was heading out to celebrate. Welf chose the place, a small tavern on a back street called Hibachitei, the Flaming Wasp. (Which coincidentally is how I prefer wasps.) Hestia was going to go with them, but Lady Hephaistos was angry at her for ditching work in order to save Bell, and wasn't going to let her get out of work to join them.

They were having a pretty good time, eating, drinking, and talking about the recent events. But then some prum jerk starting making fun of Bell. He tried to ignore it, but then the asshole crossed the line by insulting Hestia. Bell almost smashed the runt's face in, but Welf beat him to it and knocked the jerk out with a kick.

The prum's friends then got up and a brawl broke out. Bell and Welf were outnumbered four to two, and their foes were armed with mugs and bottles, but both of them were at level 2 and got into a basic formation, and thus they were able to handle them. Their two-man cell were able to overpower and defeat their four-man group. But then the last of the prum's friends got up and joined in. The man was Hyacinthus, an adventurer at Level 3, and he was so fast and so strong that he instantly crushed Welf and then Bell, and made it clear that he did so with ease. He was about to finish them when the werewolf Bete from the Loki Familia stepped in and put a stop to it. Everyone left after that.

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Not long after that, the 'Celebration of the Gods' was held again. The Celebration of the Gods was a party for deities, by deities. Only deities could attend, and they were mostly held so the hosts could show off how successful they were. It had been a month and a half since the last one held by Ganesha, so it was no surprise that another one was about to be held. But this time it was held by the Apollo Familia, and Apollo decided to change things up a bit. This time deities were required to bring one member of their familia.

The party went well. It was a fancy ball, there was great food, the gods and goddesses got to introduce their children to the other gods and goddesses, and Bell got to share a dance with Aiz Wallenstein. A dance that both Hestia and Loki had to be forcefully kept out of. Then it suddenly came crashing down.

Apollo falsely accused Bell of attacking one of his children. He put on an obvious, over the top performance, he had the prum from the bar wrapped up like a mummy, the prum put on an obvious, over the top performance, he had hired a bunch of people to claim to be witnesses, all of which claimed to have been there, said Apollo was right, and all were wearing expressions that screamed otherwise. Their lies couldn't have been more obvious if their noses were growing. It was almost laughable. But then Apollo demanded compensation and for Hestia to take responsibility for Bell's actions.

Hestia refused.

Apollo responded by declaring a War Game. A War Game was a staged battle competition between familias with high stakes, which was broadcast over all of Orario via magical mirrors that floated in the air. The conditions for the battle were decided on before hand, and it could be any number of scenarios, like a one-on-one duel in a stadium, a series of fights until one side was defeated, etc, and things tended to get so serious that combatants have died in them before. It was always a big event that the whole city got excited about.

Apollo then said that if his side should prevail, he demanded that Hestia surrender Bell Cranel to him. Hestia was furious, flat-out refused, and them took Bell and stormed out.

But that wasn't the end of it.

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The very next morning, the Apollo Familia attacked. They launched ranged magic attacks, blew up Hestia's church, and pursued them all over the city. They were relentless, they were everywhere, and they had help from the Soma Familia. Hestia and Bell's allies caught wind of it and showed up to help, but they were still outnumbered and had to run and fight without rest. They took many hits, Lilly was taken away by the Soma Familia, and finally Hestia had enough. She had Bell take her to Apollo's home, where she slapped him across the face and accepted the War Game challenge.

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Hestia stalled as long as she could, as Bell trained to get stronger. But she couldn't hold out long, and at a meeting of the gods they decided on a draw to determine how it would go down. It ended up being a 'Castle Siege.' Where one familia would fortify themselves within a castle while the other laid siege to it. Both attacking and defending required large numbers, giving Apollo a blatantly unfair advantage, as Hestia only had Bell at the moment. And to make matters worse, he took the defending role for himself, giving him the location advantage. It was so one-sided that the other gods wanted to at least allow outsiders to participate to assist Hestia. Apollo was against it, but he caved slightly when Freya mocked him, his children, and his love for them by pointing out that they were too weak and afraid to face more than one opponent. But even then his pathetic cowardice shone through as he only allowed one outsider, and that one outsider had to be from a Familia outside Orario, and outside Orario, adventurers above Level 2 were basically unheard of. The gods didn't press the matter any further than that.

When Bell's friends found out, Welf, Mikoto, and Lilly switched familias to help him.

When Bell heard, he already had a plan to win. But this time it came in the form of an old friend from outside of Orario that no-one would ever see coming.

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The day of the War Game came. The city was active with excitement. Bets were placed, nearly all of them on Apollo to win. Only one guy put a large bet on Bell, and everyone thought he was crazy. But the battlefield itself was calm and quiet.

The bell signalling the start of the competition rang out.

The Apollo Familia was hanging out lazily in the castle, cocky and sure the Hestia Familia wouldn't try anything serious until the last day, as they didn't have nearly enough members to attempt a direct attack. They had no idea what they were in for.


	2. Chapter 2

War Games gone wrong.

Part 1: One Punch Man.

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A single man came into view. He was young, slim, wore a simple yellow outfit with a black belt, red boots, red gloves, and a white cape, was completely bald, and wore a rather stupid and bored expression. There was absolutely nothing about him that seemed impressive or intimidating in the slightest.

He casually strolled up to the castle gates, and called out to the lookouts. Which was a little confusing. Was this guy lost or something?

"Hey!"

"Uh, can I help you?"

"I am Saitama. Bell called me in to help him in the War Game. Did I come to the right place?"

The whole thing was being broadcast all over Orario via magic floating mirrors, and suddenly people all over Orario, as well as the guys at the gate, broke out into a fit of laughter. This guy had to be the dumbest idiot ever. Mr Cranel had to be scraping the barrel to get this loser.

"Ya found the castle you're supposed to attack, but too bad for you the game's already started!" one guy yelled as they threw their weapons at him.

Saitama dodged all the weapons with ease, save for one axe that he caught and then shattered with one hand. Then he walked to the gate and gave it a hard knock.

What happened next shocked everyone and silenced the laughter.

The entire castle was obliterated. All the people inside, as well as shattered bits and pieces of the castle and everything in it, were sent flying off into the distance as a thunderous shock wave levelled the area.

The War Game was over in an instant. Ended in a single punch before anyone was even aware that the fight had even started.

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After that, Bell offered to treat him to lunch. But first Saitama wanted to check out the dungeon. He returned a few hours later, having made it all the way to the bottom floor. The monsters were all far too weak for his liking, but there were some nice sights. He had no idea just how many records he shattered in the process, and the people had no idea what was up with him.

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War Games gone wrong.

Part 2: Chuck Norris.

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A single man came into view. Even at a glance and from a distance, there was something impressive about him. He had a beard, a cowboy hat, and looked to be in good shape. Then one of them realized who he was.

"Holy Crap. That's Chuck Norris!"

"What?!"

"No way!"

Word spread quickly, the entire Apollo Familia rushed over to see him, and when he came into view over the magic mirrors, those watching were suddenly regretting putting money on the Apollo Familia.

"Hyacinthus! You're the leader here, what do we do?"

"There's only one thing I can think of that can get us out of this mess."

They promptly raised the white flag, surrendered, and conceded defeat. A decision that leads to an instant defeat is virtually never the right one, but this time there wasn't a single person who believed they made the wrong choice.

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War Games gone wrong.

Part 3: The Avengers.

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A single man came into view. He was huge. Easily the biggest man any of them had ever seen. He had purple skin, a large wrinkled chin, was dressed in blue and gold armour with a helmet that left his face exposed, and had a golden gauntlet with jewels on his left hand. Not even the gods had any idea who he was, where he came from, or why he was really there.

The man raised his gauntlet, snapped his fingers, and all the members of the Apollo Familia began turning to dust. They all quickly faded away into nothingness. Then Apollo himself began fading away. His final words were "I don't feel well," before he turned to dust and blew away.

The sight of an entire familia being disintegrated scared the people into a panic. And yet they took it a lot better than the gods and goddesses who also just watched one of their own get disintegrated right in front of them. And during the panic, the man just left.

They wouldn't find out until later, when Bell explained it, but his name was Thanos, and he was there to show off to the gods that even they were nothing before him. They didn't doubt it.

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War Games gone wrong.

Part 4: X-Men.

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A single man came into view. He was a teenage boy that a bunch of people recognized as one who identified himself as Quicksilver, and had placed his bets on Hestia's Familia to win.

And then, in full view of everybody, he suddenly disappeared. Before anyone could even register that he was gone, the entire Apollo Familia was sent flying a short distance, as if all of them at once were punched out by an invisible force. And before they hit the ground, all the goddesses in Orario were naked and screaming. And then Hyacinthus, the leader of the Apollo Familia, was thrown out of the keep's tower, and hit the ground hard. His fall easily took longer than everything else combined.

Unable to wrap their heads around what just happened, everybody, especially the goddesses, demanded answers. They had to pour large amounts of magic into the broadcast system to figure it out. By locking onto Quicksilver and slowing time to a standstill, they were able to see it for themselves.

Moving far faster than the eye could see, Quicksilver ran into the castle, knocked out everyone with ease one after another, then he ran into the city, stole and ate a few meals from taverns, saved a few people from falling objects, noticed one kid was being yelled at and had to sweep up an absurd amount of garbage in an area, cleaned it all up himself, cleaned himself up, went to see the gods and goddesses, stripped and groped every last one of the goddesses, returned to the castle, went into the highest tower where Hyacinthus was hiding, and punched him just hard enough to send him flying out the window, and then he returned to real time. And he did all of that while listening to 'Safety Dance.'

The goddesses were furious and demanded he pay for his crimes, but by then the outcome had already been announced, and Quicksilver had already claimed his winnings, felt up every good-looking girl in the entire city, and then left before they could even think of trying to catch him.


	3. Chapter 3

War Games gone wrong.

Part 5: Slayers.

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A single girl came into view. She was short, skinny, flat chested, had long red hair, wore a strange outfit with a cape, a shirt that also functioned as a skirt, white gloves and boots, large jewels, and underwear on the outside, and a thin sword.

"The beautiful young sorcery genius, Lina Inverse, has arrived!" she loudly proclaimed.

The Apollo Familia, as well as everyone watching, had no idea who she was and was thus quick to dismiss her as some run of the mill crazy girl. The gods and goddesses on the other hand, were shocked and terrified, as they knew exactly who she was.

"Lina Inverse?! The dragon spooker?!"

"The master of destruction?"

"The killer of bandits?"

"The embodiment of chaos?"

"The one that's so berserk that even hell itself kicked her out?"

Then one of Apollo's men yelled out to her.

"Get lost ya flat chested idiot!"

The gods and goddesses froze in dumbfounded shock before going into a full blown panic. Lina on the other hand, was just angry.

"Big mistake. Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows, buried in the flow of time, is where your power grows, I pledge myself to conquer, all the foes who stand, against the mighty gift bestowed in my unworthy hands, let the fools who stand before me be destroyed by the power you and I possess. Dragon Slave!"

She launched a giant fireball-like attack that hit the castle, causing an explosion so big it turned not only the castle but also the area around it into a giant crater.

The people and even the gods could only hope that them and their city wouldn't be next as Lina made her way to Orario.

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War Games gone wrong.

Part 6: Popeye.

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A single man came into view. He was dressed like a sailor, had bulgy arms, one eye, no teeth, and a pipe. He was walking towards the castle, singing a tune about himself.

"I'm strong to the finish, cuz I eats me spinach, I'm Popeye the sailor man."

While Popeye was singing, one of the guys on the castle wall was chanting a spell. He finished, and launched a barrage of fireballs. They locked onto Popeye, chased him down, and hammered him one after another in quick succession. He was thrown around like a pinball by all the explosions, and it ended with him being driven a couple feet into the ground as the Apollo Familia laughed and mocked him.

Then he reached into his shirt and pulled out a can of spinach. He ripped the top off, dumped the whole can into his mouth, chewed it, and swallowed it. Then he launched himself from the hole, landed on his feet, and his biceps grew huge and an image of a battleship appeared on them. All while a tune was playing.

He rushed over, swatted away a barrage of arrows, and punched the gate so hard it broke apart and the pieces went flying. They all landed in one impossibly perfect pile without so much as a single splinter out of place. It looked like a shipment of cut wood that had been delivered by professionals who prided themselves on perfection.

The Apollo Familia sent forth their melee fighters. He extended his arms and spun around like a top with fists. He sent them all flying. They resorted to ranged attacks using magic, arrows, and throwing weapons. He inhaled and blew so hard it sent everything back where they came from. The ranged attackers were taken out by their own attacks. Then Hyacinthus jumped in with a powerful spell. Popeye punched the spell and sent it right back, blasting him into the keep. Then Popeye twisted his arm as he walked over to the stunned Hyacinthus, and hit him with a twister punch while he was against the brick wall. He was spun around as Popeye's arm straightened itself, and he was sent through the walls, causing the whole tower to collapse as Hyacinthus was knocked out and nearly killed.

The bricks all fell into one impossibly perfect square pile without so much as a pebble out of place. Like the wood, it looked like a shipment that had been delivered by professionals who prided themselves on perfection.

Popeye had won, so he sang his standard victory tune.

"I'm Popeye the sailor man. I'm Popeye the sailor man. I'm strong to the finish, cuz I eats me spinach. I'm Popeye the sailor man." 'Toot-toot.'

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War Games gone wrong.

Part 7: Sleeping Beauty.

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Dark clouds blew in and blocked out the sun. They moved at seemingly impossible speeds and surrounded the castle. Not a single drop of rain came from them, but there was lighting. Lightning struck all over, again and again. And as the lighting struck, thorns sprang forth. An entire forest of thick, tree-like vines covered in giant thorns.

The Apollo Familia was forced into a fighting retreat against the thorn plants, which were coming forth with such speed and fury that their only hope of survival from getting skewered was to get out of the way. Something that several members learned the hard way.

After several minutes the thorn forest stopped sprouting up, and the members were able to start trying to hack through it without losing their weapons to the rapidly growing plants.

"That's one hell of a spell."

"How'd that rabbit boy pull this off?"

"Somebody help me!"

They chatted as they cut and hacked through the thorns, thinking that would be the end of it. Then a sparkling light shot through the sky and landed in the castle, at the one spot that was empty of people and thorns, creating green fire as it hit. It turned into a tall, older woman with horns, greenish skin, a staff with an orb, a black robe that covered her whole body and dragged on the ground, and a crow on her shoulder. She was Maleficent.

"You pitiful fools! Now you shall deal with me, the mistress of all evil, and all the powers of Hell!"

She laughed as she turned into fire and rose above the clouds, emerging as a giant black and dark purple dragon that breathed green fire. She set the thorns and everything else ablaze, and turned the entire castle into a giant barbecue. The entire Apollo Familia was trapped inside and couldn't escape the flames, which had been spread far too fast to possibly extinguish. Within minutes nearly all of them were dead, and the survivors were barely clinging to life. Maleficent had wiped them out.

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War Games gone wrong.

Part 8: The Holy Grail.

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Bell's team came into view, pushing a catapult, and packing a steel box.

"Are you sure this thing's going to work?" asked Welf.

"Within this cage lies a creature so foul, so cruel, that no man yet has fought with it and lived. Bones of 50 men lie strewn about its lair. We are sending death to all of them with nasty, big, pointy teeth. Just make sure it does get out, or we'll be the ones he tears apart," said Bell.

They nervously got closer to the castle, getting the catapult within striking distance.

"I've just rigged the cage to break open upon landing, but we have to shoot it now before he breaks loose."

As they launched it, someone on the castle walls readied and fired a giant crossbow. The arrow hit the cage, breaking it apart, but the creature landed safely.

"Where's the creature?"

"I'm pretty sure I saw it land on top of the castle walls."

"All I saw was a bunny, and I was looking right at it."

"That's it."

"That's it?! You sent them a frigging rabbit?!"

"That's no ordinary rabbit. That's the most foul, cruel and bad tempered rodent you ever set eyes on. The damn thing has a vicious streak a mile wide. It's a killer!"

For a minute they thought Bells was crazy and they started making fun of him for it, annoyed that he got them all worked up. Then screaming and panicking could be heard within the castle. And it kept getting louder and louder.

All those watching in Orario were watching in shock and horror as what seemed to be a cute harmless bunny, ran and jumped around at insane speeds, tearing arms, legs, and heads off everyone in his path. It was so small, fast and agile that it was nearly impossible to hit, regardless of what they used, and its jaws were so deadly that they could tear off whole limbs in the blink of an eye. The Apollo Familia were getting massacred by some squeaking demon rabbit, and it seemed like there was nothing they could do to stop it.

Then a huge spell was cast. It blew up the rabbit, but it also blew up several men and a huge chunk of the castle. By that point they'd lost 32 of their members, with many more being seriously injured with body parts missing. Then Bell called out to them with a cocky smirk on his face.

"You maniac! What the hell was that thing?!"

"Hey, if ya liked playing with that bunny, we got a lot more that are eager to come out and frolic," said Bell as he revealed roughly a hundred cages that had been brought in during the demon rabbit's rampage.

As they loaded the catapult with a cage, the Apollo Familia surrendered and begged for mercy. The Hestia Familia won, and a sudden fear of rabbits spread throughout all of Orario. Even though all but five of the other cages were empty, and the rabbits in those were completely harmless.


	4. Chapter 4

War Games gone wrong.

Part 9: One Piece.

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A single man came into view. He was young, unarmed, a bit on the small side, had a scar under his left eye, an X-shaped scar on his chest, and wore a red vest, shorts, sandals, and a straw hat. They didn't know who he was, but he seemed to be in good spirits as he ran right at them.

"Who's that idiot?"

"No idea."

"Gotta be with the losers. Kill him."

They unleashed a hail of arrows, but he was undeterred. Most missed him, and the ones that didn't were swatted away with ease, and he wasn't even slowed down. He quickly neared the gates, drew his fist back, so far back that the onlookers were frozen in shock, and then, with a shout of "Gum-Gum Pistol!" he punched them down.

"Did his arm just stretch?!"

"We need everybody on him now!"

The man was Monkey D. Luffy. The man who was going to become the king of the pirates. He wasn't from around there, so they had no idea who they were up against.

Luffy rushed in and attacked head on. They all rushed in to swarm him, and he responded with a sideswiping kick that stretched his leg out and sent everyone flying.

"Gum-Gum Whip!"

Hyacinthus took notice of the situation and quickly took action.

"Who does this idiot think he is, attacking us like that? Archer! Swordsmen! Mages! Take him out!"

"Gum-Gum Gatling!"

A barrage of punches wiped them all out. But Hyacinthus refused to go down like that. He got back up, drew his sword, and charged in to attack.

"Gum-Gum Bazooka!"

And was sent flying out of the castle and over the horizon, where he disappeared with a sparkle of light. And with that the Apollo Familia was defeated, as everybody looked on in shock.

"Wow," said Welf. "What'd you have to do to get him to fight for ya?"

"I promised him an all you can eat dinner," said Bell.

"Good deal," said Lilly.

"Trust me it's not."

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War Games gone wrong.

Part 10: Batman.

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Night fell and still no action was taken. This was no surprise to most people, as logically the Hestia Familia would wait until the final day to attempt anything. After much of the Apollo Familia and most of Orario settled in for the night, a loud noise like a ringing bell woke them all up. It was an alarm clock, broadcast over the magical mirrors. But despite the sound coming over the mirrors, nothing was shown. Then it stopped and an unseen man spoke up.

 _"_ _Joker here! I bet you're wondering what's going on? What's the deal? Why is there an alarm going off? The deal is, the show's about to start, and most of you aren't in your seats!"_

The gods, goddesses, and people of Orario shook off their tiredness, fully woke themselves up, and eagerly watched as the Apollo Familia struggled to get into battle positions as quickly as possible.

 _"_ _Now I got bad news, good news, and worse news. The bad news is I've placed several bombs within the castle, and the bozos inside need to find and disarm them all_ _before they blow up. The good news, is that they have 30 minutes to pull it off, which should be plenty of time for anyone, especially a group that size. The worse news, is that it took me over 28 minutes to get this damned thing working."_

Joker laughed and the bombs all went off, releasing a cloud of green gas that enveloped the whole castle. The entire Apollo Familia began laughing like mad, their faces contorted into nightmarish grins, and one after another they fell dead. And Apollo could feel each and every last one of them die.

 _"_ _Behold, my patented Joker Venom! Guarantied to put a smile on your face!"_

"You bastard!" yelled Apollo. "You think this is a joke?! Reveal yourself!"

"Not in public ya pervert," said Joker. "But you idiots are a joke."

Apollo turned in shock to see the clown right behind him. Joker then pulled out an extendo glove.

"And we all know a proper joke needs a decent punch line."

Apollo was then sent flying out the window by Joker's extendo glove, as the crown prince of crime cackled like the madman he was. Then he hit Hestia in the face with a pie full of semen, and then he was off to see what other shenanigans he could get up to around there.

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War Games gone wrong.

Part 11: Squirrel Girl.

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A single, odd-looking girl came into view. She was rather cute, had brown hair, a giant bushy tail like a squirrel, and several squirrels with her. They went right up to the castle.

"Listen up a pack o' doritos!"

"Apollo Familia ya dumb broad!"

"I heard of your crimes, and you won't be forgiven! Now you face the wrath, of Squirrel Girl!"

The Apollo Familia, and all of Orario broke out into hysterical laughter.

"Ha! Ha! Ha! You and what army?"

"This one."

She whistled, and suddenly they noticed the castle was surrounded by millions upon millions of squirrels. Suddenly things weren't quite so funny. The squirrels swarmed in. They got in through the doors, through holes, and they ran up and over the walls. Squirrel Girl also ran up and over the wall, and they all engaged the Apollo Familia. Many of which were worried the rodents would grab parts of their anatomy and bury them for the winter.

The squirrels were so small and fast that arrows were useless, and most other weapons were of limited effectiveness. The mages tried to use elemental magic to deal with them, but the squirrels were already upon them, so they weren't able to chant, and then Squirrel Girl took them out. Hyacinthus tried to turn the tables by taking out Squirrel Girl, with a sneak attack from above, but she stepped away and let him crash into the ground. He was undeterred and got up to try again. She caught him by the arms before his blade could connect.

"You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts!" she yelled as she overpowered him. (Batman may have said it first, but Squirrel Girl said it better.)

Hyacinthus and the remaining members of the Apollo Familia were quickly defeated, and the Apollo Familia was then referred to as "those idiots that tried to bully a rabbit and then got their asses kicked by a squirrel."

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War Games gone wrong.

Part 12: V for Vendetta.

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Night fell and still no action was taken. This was no surprise to most people, as logically the Hestia Familia would wait until the final day to attempt anything. As much of the Apollo Familia and Orario began to settle in for the night, a figure came into view on the mirrors. It was a man in an all black outfit, with a white mask. He pulled out a conductor's baton, then started waving it around as if he was conducting an orchestra. Then everyone started hearing a musical tune. It started out too quiet to hear, but it got louder and louder, and it became clear and easy to hear. Then it got too loud to be ignored.

The tune was Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture, the man was known only as V, and his musical score was set to be explosively exciting.

As they got to the cannon portion of the song, the castle started blowing up. The walls and the turrets were obliterated by fiery explosions, followed by the buildings in the yard, then the keep, all the way up to the tallest tower, while the sky was lit up with fireworks, a few of which formed a giant V. There were no survivors.

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War Games gone wrong.

Part 13: Dragonball Z.

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A single figure came into view. At first, no-one was sure who or even what it was. But as the mirrors provided a closer look, it was confirmed beyond the shadow of a doubt, that nobody had any idea who or even what it was. It was mostly humanoid, but it wasn't human. He was huge, extremely obese, with arms and legs that looked undersized on him, he had pink skin, an antenna on top of his head, a distinct, almost baby-like face, with shut eyes and a smile, three holes on each side of his head, and a few more holes on his arms. He was clothed in a purple cape, a small black vest with golden trims, yellow gloves and boots, white baggy pants, and a black belt with a golden belt buckle with an M on it.

As nobody had ever seen something like that before, they weren't sure if he'd be a serious threat or not. That instantly became a popular subject. There was plenty of talk and people were ready to place bets on whether or not the pink blob man was a contender. He was a big guy, but he looked too fat to move fast enough to be any kind of a threat. On the other hand, they didn't know what he was, and thus didn't know what he was capable of. For all they knew he could be a serious powerhouse and be able to soak up their attacks like a sponge.

Then he took flight. Orario looked on in shock as he went from the edge of the battlefield to above the castle walls in the blink of an eye.

"Buuuu!" he cried out in a high pitched voice.

He raised his hands and levitated the entire Apollo Familia into the air, and held them far above the castle.

"Buu want Candy!"

He then fired a beam from his antenna that struck the floating familia and instantly transformed them all into candy. Then he inhaled, sucked them all up into his mouth, chewed them up, and swallowed. Then Majin Buu flew away.

Nobody was sure exactly how the War Game would play out, but somehow, the entire Apollo Familia getting turned into candy and eaten was not something anyone there saw coming.

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	5. Chapter 5

War Games gone wrong.

Part 14: Megas XLR.

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The castle had just finished getting prepped, and the Apollo Familia was on their way to take it over, when something huge came into view. It was an 80 foot tall, blue robot with a crazy paint job and a car for a head. Inside was a fat guy, a skinny guy, and a redheaded chick.

"Coop, are you sure this is the right place?"

"According to what we heard, this is it. The place where they're holding that giant robot smackdown event. Right Kiva?"

"According to my calculations, I was right about that wrong turn after out little sidetrip, and right now, we're not even in the right solar system."

"Dammit!"

Coop punched the dashboard in his fury, mashing a bunch of buttons as he did so, which made the Megas expose and launch its missiles. The castle was blown up and turned into a crater in an instant. Then they flew off, while making jokes and stupid comments.

The War Game was paused and the gods and goddesses all met up to figure out what happened. Then Bell showed up.

"It appears the guy I called in got here early. How about we try this again? You guys prep another castle and I'll call him back. But this time, make sure your familia's in there _before_ he blows it up."

Apollo and his familia promptly surrendered and conceded defeat, while counting their luck stars that they escaped with their lives.

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War Games gone wrong.

Part 15: Inuyasha.

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Bell's team came into view, along with a guy in a red robe, with long white hair, doggy ears, and a sword.

"Alright Inuyasha, this is it. You get to perfect that attack of yours and crush that castle in the process," said Bell.

"You sure they can get this stupid necklace off?"

"They're gods and goddesses, so they should be able to do something about it."

"You got the jewel shard?"

"Right here."

Bell pulled out a glass bottle with a sliver of a jewel in it. Inuyasha smiled.

"I'll handle this. You just stand back and watch."

He pulled out his sword, which turned into a gargantuan blade, far too big for practical use, or to even be lifted by normal men, yet he was able to wield it with ease. He focused, then launched his attack.

"Adamant Barrage!"

He unleashed the Wind Scar, and destroyed part of the castle. Not quite what he was hoping for, but that's what he was practising for, to get it down and be able to use it whenever he wanted. He tried again and again, obliterating the castle and annihilating everyone inside. After a few more times he finally started getting it right. By then the castle was completely obliterated, and the few survivors were running for their lives.

The castle was destroyed, the Apollo Familia was crushed, the Hestia Familia had won, and there were enough diamonds created by Inuyasha's Adamant Barrage to cover Hestia's giant debt thousands of times over. Inuyasha was then given the Shikon jewel shard and led into the city by Mikoto, to see if the gods could get the beads of subjugation off of him.

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War Games gone wrong.

Part 16: Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?

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Apollo's familia was secure in their castle fortress, and Apollo himself was sitting in Babel Tower, smug and overconfident of his victory. And why shouldn't he be? His forces outnumbered Hestia's by over 25 to 1, one of them was a level higher than Bell, and they had a serious location advantage. It was the most one-sided match up he could imagine, and even with massive gambling on the match going on, almost nobody was betting on the rabbit.

Looking at the Divine Mirror, he suddenly noticed that Babel Tower was one of the places pictured. As he stopped to ponder why that was, the whole floor suddenly exploded. Glass was shattered, everyone got knocked senseless, and the place was overflowing with blinding smoke.

From the building emerged a woman with a red trench coat, a matching wide brimmed fedora hat, long dark hair, and black leather gloves. With her was Apollo, tied up and gagged. She jumped off, opened and hang glider, a magic portal opened in her path and she flew into it before it closed, taking Apollo with her.

The kidnapping of Apollo shocked Orario and sent his familia into a panic. During the commotion, Bell Cranel appeared on the mirrors. But he wasn't dressed in his usual battle attire. Instead he was dressed in a suit and a grey hat.

"People! The legendary international thief, Carmen Sandiego has struck again. This time she has stolen one of the gods. Apollo Familia! The big question is: Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? I'm here to help you. I'll help provide clues, ask you questions, open portals, and let you go where you think Carmen went. Those who get it right advance, those who guess wrong get stranded, those who take too long or refuse to answer get sent to one of wrong places and left there. Get all of them right, rescue Apollo, and catch Carmen, you win the War Game. Get any wrong, and you're stuck until after the war game ends. Only one of you need to win, but the fewer of you that get eliminated, the better your odds are. If all of you fail, you lose the War Game, and maybe even your god along with it. Now get out in front of the castle so we can get started!"

Nobody could believe what was going on. Hyacinthus led his familia to meet Bell just outside the gate, who arrived there dragging something large and flat, that was standing up and covered with a blanket.

"You bastard! Give me one reason why we shouldn't kill you on the spot!"

"Because I'm the one opening the portals and providing the clues and questions. If anything happens to me, you can't progress and you lose."

"The challenge was a Castle Siege! This is a blatant violation of the rules!"

"Really? I don't recall that. Goddess Hestia! Could you be a dear and tell us the rules for this War Game?"

Hestia appeared on the mirrors. The entire floor was nothing but a smoky wreck. Having been caught in the blast, Hestia was now filthy and was cleaning herself off. As were some of the other gods and goddesses.

"Well, I was just caught in the blast and I'm still woozy, so I can't recall exactly what the rules were. Luckily the official rules are right over there. Allow me to go get them."

She walked off and returned seconds later with a piece of paper in her hands.

"Here we go. The challenge is, track down and capture Carmen Sandiego."

That brought a lot of surprise.

"Well that seems strange. Who even knew she was gonna show up?" said Hestia. "Approved by Carmen Sandiego. Oh."

The people couldn't believe what they just heard.

"Oh, and there's a note on here. Dear incompetent idiots. I've stolen your pedophile god, your War game rules, and your finest wine. And you're all to stupid to ever catch me. -Sincerely, Carmen Sandiego. PS: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!"

That got a few laughs.

"Well that does it! She's made me mad, and I want her caught! So we'll give a free trip anywhere in the world to the one who can bring her in!"

The other gods and goddesses could have intervened, but their curiosity and desires to see this play out got the best of them. Not only did none of them object, several even voiced their support of it.

The hearts of the Apollo Familia sank as they realized they were backed into a corner and had no choice but to play his game.

"Fine! Let's just do this already!"

"Alright, if catch Carmen, you win the whole thing automatically, and even get a free trip. If she gets away but you rescue Apollo and retrieve the War game rules, you can still reset the War game the way it was. If she gets away with the loot in tow, you lose. Now let's get started! I got word that a spy has a lead on her, so let's bring her in," said Bell as he pulled the blanket off to reveal a huge map with the names of only three locations on it, but each was large and easy to read.

Then the goddess Freya showed up, clad in a trench coat and a hat.

"My spy network has uncovered details about where Carmen was headed. And as you can see, I was personally injured getting this information, so it better be worth it," she said as she opened her coat to reveal that all she had on underneath were some bandages that barely covered her privates. "She went to an island group that's also a Spanish province. It's a very popular tourist destination with warm weather. She was planning on visiting the beaches to work on her tan, and also visit a disco where the dance floor is flooded with soap suds for some good clean fun."

They realized she was pretending to be a messenger spy, and was relaying important clues about where Carmen went, but seeing the goddess of beauty nearly naked caused their brains to short out and fail them. Most were barely able to stay conscious, let alone process the information she gave them, and a bunch passed out from nosebleeds. And that also went for those watching.

Three portals appeared, each with a location name on it.

"Alright gumshoes, where did Carmen take Apollo? Is it Madeira, Balearic, or Ionian? Remember the clues, Spanish province, popular tourist spot, beaches, warm weather, and sudsy disco. Choose now and go through."

They struggled to pull themselves together and escape Freya's sexy allure, which would've been more than hard enough if she'd closed her coat afterwards. Hyacinthus was the first to shake it off. He made his choice and charged through, followed by nearly half of the familia. The rest divided between the other two, and nobody was allowed to stay behind to guard the castle.

As one lit up and the other two were sealed off, the Apollo Familia was reduced to less than a third of their members, and Bell joined the ones who guessed right in Balearic. Upon arrival Mikoto showed up, disguised with a hat and sunglasses, and dressed in a sexy swimsuit that clung to her body just a little too tightly. She did an act, pretended to be a local witness, and gave clues to where Carmen was heading next. Bell revealed a map, opened a portal, and asked them where she went. This happened again and again, each time with a different acquaintance of Bell's playing the witness, and each time the Apollo Familia lost more members. The last one still had a few questions to go through. But he proved to be smarter and luckier than the rest, and managed to win Apollo back. But his luck ran out as he failed to pass the final test and catch Carmen.

"Alright, the bad news is that Carmen escaped. The good news is that you retrieved the loot. That means you can still reset the War Game back to the way it was."

He eagerly jumped on that option. Taking on Bell's forces from inside a castle, with an army on his side, would be infinitely easier than that crazy game he just went through.

The game was reset, Apollo was back in Babel Tower, and the lucky winner was back in the castle. But now there was one difference. He was the only one in the castle. Everyone else was still stuck at the same places they ended up at when they chose wrong.

"Oh crud," he said to himself. "Okay, you can still do this. There's only like, four or five of them. That's not enough to break down any walls or anything. So all I gotta do is keep the gates shut and just wait for a few days. I can handle that."

Then the front gates opened and Bell's team walked right in. Moments later, the guy was curb stomped and the War Game was won. Then Carmen Sandiego exited from where she opened the gates and fled the scene.

"Well, only one thing left to do now," said Bell.

Then all of them yelled "Do it Rockapella!"

A band came outta nowhere playing a tune and singing a song. And it was very catchy.

Yuuuuuuahh! (X3)

Well she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina,

She's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize,

She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China,

Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Steal their Seoul in South Korea, make Antarctica cry Uncle,

From the Red Sea to Greenland they'll be singing the blues,

Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the delta,

Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

She go from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,

Chicago to Czechoslovakia and back!

Well she'll ransack Pakistan and run a scam in Scandinavia,

Then she'll stick 'em up Down Under and go pick-pocket Perth,

She put the Miss in misdemeanour when she stole the beans from Lima,

Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Oh tell me where in the world is... Oh tell me where can she be?

Ooh, Botswana to Thailand, Milan via Amsterdam,

Mali to Bali, Ohio, Oahu...!

Well she glides around the globe and she'll flimflam every nation,

She's a double-dealing diva with a taste for thievery,

Her itinerary's loaded up with moving violations,

Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? (x9)

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(I hit writer's block hard with this one. Hope it was at least partially worth the wait, and happy Canada Day. By the way, they didn't get Freya to join them, she found out what they were planning and insisted on taking part, and the flasher bit was her own doing.)


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